Another Mother's Day

In the past few days there have been different things which have happened concerning my mother's state of mind.  Since she has frontal lobe disorder I know that things are going to continue to change and those changes are in the category of "worse".  The few things that have happened since Wednesday are:  she has now started to leave the house before my father awakes to take a walk...the neighbor has written a note and posted it on the fence (a kind note) asking my mother to please not feed her dogs anymore...my mother has informed me that this same neighbor just purchased a lot of clothes as a gift for her.  Each one of these are not really huge but all together they are of great significance.

This morning, I cried.  I don't usually cry concerning my mother.  I handle it.  I accept it.  But today, I cried.  My mother is gone.  At least the one I knew so well.  The truth is I can't handle it and on many levels I don't want to accept it.  I needed to cry.  I know it is all right to cry and I would tell anyone else that.  But in my pride, I want to be strong.  The truth is I am not strong, I am weak and I need a greater strength than I have.  That's where God comes in.  He is the strength.  He is aware of this situation.  He knows my mother and loves her more than I ever could.  He knows me and loves me more than I realize.  I need HIM!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day!  My mother does not know that.  She will never even remember it when we are eating at a table together tomorrow.  She will tell stories of people who love her so very much.  She will tell stories of men wanting to marry her and of men wanting to marry me.  She will tell about people who pull her aside on the street just to say how much they love her daughter.  She will whisper in my dad's ear that she needs to go home because she is expecting an important phone call.  She will be mad when she realizes I am her ride and she can't get home when she wants to.  But in the midst of all that I know that God will give me a view of my mother which goes far beyond anything she will say.  I will see:

• The woman who let me polish her nails when I was only 4.
• The hair I sat on the back of the couch to brush as she closed her eyes in enjoyment.
• The woman who stepped out in faith and moved from Tennessee to Michigan to care for her children.
• The woman who curled my hair and caught me when I fainted.
• The woman who held me when my father died even though they had been divorce for so very long.  She gave me comfort.
• The woman who held my children and gave them great love as their grandma.
• The woman who is generous to a fault even to the point of now desiring to feed every dog she sees.

These are just a few of the things I will think about.  The only way I can do that is in the strength of Christ.  I can't handle it but He certainly can.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9-10