Another Mother's Day

In the past few days there have been different things which have happened concerning my mother's state of mind.  Since she has frontal lobe disorder I know that things are going to continue to change and those changes are in the category of "worse".  The few things that have happened since Wednesday are:  she has now started to leave the house before my father awakes to take a walk...the neighbor has written a note and posted it on the fence (a kind note) asking my mother to please not feed her dogs anymore...my mother has informed me that this same neighbor just purchased a lot of clothes as a gift for her.  Each one of these are not really huge but all together they are of great significance.

This morning, I cried.  I don't usually cry concerning my mother.  I handle it.  I accept it.  But today, I cried.  My mother is gone.  At least the one I knew so well.  The truth is I can't handle it and on many levels I don't want to accept it.  I needed to cry.  I know it is all right to cry and I would tell anyone else that.  But in my pride, I want to be strong.  The truth is I am not strong, I am weak and I need a greater strength than I have.  That's where God comes in.  He is the strength.  He is aware of this situation.  He knows my mother and loves her more than I ever could.  He knows me and loves me more than I realize.  I need HIM!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day!  My mother does not know that.  She will never even remember it when we are eating at a table together tomorrow.  She will tell stories of people who love her so very much.  She will tell stories of men wanting to marry her and of men wanting to marry me.  She will tell about people who pull her aside on the street just to say how much they love her daughter.  She will whisper in my dad's ear that she needs to go home because she is expecting an important phone call.  She will be mad when she realizes I am her ride and she can't get home when she wants to.  But in the midst of all that I know that God will give me a view of my mother which goes far beyond anything she will say.  I will see:

• The woman who let me polish her nails when I was only 4.
• The hair I sat on the back of the couch to brush as she closed her eyes in enjoyment.
• The woman who stepped out in faith and moved from Tennessee to Michigan to care for her children.
• The woman who curled my hair and caught me when I fainted.
• The woman who held me when my father died even though they had been divorce for so very long.  She gave me comfort.
• The woman who held my children and gave them great love as their grandma.
• The woman who is generous to a fault even to the point of now desiring to feed every dog she sees.

These are just a few of the things I will think about.  The only way I can do that is in the strength of Christ.  I can't handle it but He certainly can.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The Subject Was Me

Today was my day to take my mom to breakfast. Today the subject was me. She told many stories to me about people who have stopped her on the street just to say that, "Denise is the most wonderful person in the world." She also asked what month it was and then said, "Well June is coming and when your work celebrates your birthday, I am going to tell them a funny story about you when you were four." Those two examples are pretty normal each week but then came more.

Mom looked at me and said, "Remember when you sang with those other girls in Nashville." O.k. now how do I respond to that? Of course I don't remember because I have never sang with any girls in Nashville but in my mom's cute little head she obviously has some kind of memory going on. So I chose to just smile. "Well," she said, "I was in Mr. King's store when your daddy came in and asked me if you were in jail. I said no, she is just singing in Nashville. He was so relieved to hear that about you." That was the story so once again I just smiled. But it was quickly followed up by more.

"Yes," she said, "your daddy called me the other night. He said he called just to say hi because he had a run to Michigan." (insert here that my dad has been dead since I was 19 years old so that's 49 years. He did drive a truck for a living but if he were still driving he would be 78 years old) "He asked me what you were doing and I told him that you worked for the church. He said then he better stay away from you." At this point I laughed out loud because that was funny.

She can really be funny sometimes. What I get from it all though is that my mom loves me. She wants to tell me that I am wonderful. She wants to tell me she is proud of me working at the church. She wants me to know that I am on her mind. Those are the things she would want me to know if she could really put those thoughts into real words.

Sunday is Mother's Day and I want the subject to be about her. I want to honor her and show her love. This year I am going to make her favorite pie for her, caramel. I have never done it before and I really don't make pies. I had to call my cousin in Tennessee so that I could be told how to do it. I hope that in some small way she will know the love that is in the making of the pie.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! God gave me to you and you to me. He never makes a mistake and He is good all the time. I thank Him for His choice for me. God bless you, Mom!