Another Mother's Day

In the past few days there have been different things which have happened concerning my mother's state of mind.  Since she has frontal lobe disorder I know that things are going to continue to change and those changes are in the category of "worse".  The few things that have happened since Wednesday are:  she has now started to leave the house before my father awakes to take a walk...the neighbor has written a note and posted it on the fence (a kind note) asking my mother to please not feed her dogs anymore...my mother has informed me that this same neighbor just purchased a lot of clothes as a gift for her.  Each one of these are not really huge but all together they are of great significance.

This morning, I cried.  I don't usually cry concerning my mother.  I handle it.  I accept it.  But today, I cried.  My mother is gone.  At least the one I knew so well.  The truth is I can't handle it and on many levels I don't want to accept it.  I needed to cry.  I know it is all right to cry and I would tell anyone else that.  But in my pride, I want to be strong.  The truth is I am not strong, I am weak and I need a greater strength than I have.  That's where God comes in.  He is the strength.  He is aware of this situation.  He knows my mother and loves her more than I ever could.  He knows me and loves me more than I realize.  I need HIM!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day!  My mother does not know that.  She will never even remember it when we are eating at a table together tomorrow.  She will tell stories of people who love her so very much.  She will tell stories of men wanting to marry her and of men wanting to marry me.  She will tell about people who pull her aside on the street just to say how much they love her daughter.  She will whisper in my dad's ear that she needs to go home because she is expecting an important phone call.  She will be mad when she realizes I am her ride and she can't get home when she wants to.  But in the midst of all that I know that God will give me a view of my mother which goes far beyond anything she will say.  I will see:

• The woman who let me polish her nails when I was only 4.
• The hair I sat on the back of the couch to brush as she closed her eyes in enjoyment.
• The woman who stepped out in faith and moved from Tennessee to Michigan to care for her children.
• The woman who curled my hair and caught me when I fainted.
• The woman who held me when my father died even though they had been divorce for so very long.  She gave me comfort.
• The woman who held my children and gave them great love as their grandma.
• The woman who is generous to a fault even to the point of now desiring to feed every dog she sees.

These are just a few of the things I will think about.  The only way I can do that is in the strength of Christ.  I can't handle it but He certainly can.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The Subject Was Me

Today was my day to take my mom to breakfast. Today the subject was me. She told many stories to me about people who have stopped her on the street just to say that, "Denise is the most wonderful person in the world." She also asked what month it was and then said, "Well June is coming and when your work celebrates your birthday, I am going to tell them a funny story about you when you were four." Those two examples are pretty normal each week but then came more.

Mom looked at me and said, "Remember when you sang with those other girls in Nashville." O.k. now how do I respond to that? Of course I don't remember because I have never sang with any girls in Nashville but in my mom's cute little head she obviously has some kind of memory going on. So I chose to just smile. "Well," she said, "I was in Mr. King's store when your daddy came in and asked me if you were in jail. I said no, she is just singing in Nashville. He was so relieved to hear that about you." That was the story so once again I just smiled. But it was quickly followed up by more.

"Yes," she said, "your daddy called me the other night. He said he called just to say hi because he had a run to Michigan." (insert here that my dad has been dead since I was 19 years old so that's 49 years. He did drive a truck for a living but if he were still driving he would be 78 years old) "He asked me what you were doing and I told him that you worked for the church. He said then he better stay away from you." At this point I laughed out loud because that was funny.

She can really be funny sometimes. What I get from it all though is that my mom loves me. She wants to tell me that I am wonderful. She wants to tell me she is proud of me working at the church. She wants me to know that I am on her mind. Those are the things she would want me to know if she could really put those thoughts into real words.

Sunday is Mother's Day and I want the subject to be about her. I want to honor her and show her love. This year I am going to make her favorite pie for her, caramel. I have never done it before and I really don't make pies. I had to call my cousin in Tennessee so that I could be told how to do it. I hope that in some small way she will know the love that is in the making of the pie.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! God gave me to you and you to me. He never makes a mistake and He is good all the time. I thank Him for His choice for me. God bless you, Mom!

You Have To Laugh

As I have written before, my mom has frontal lobe disorder which is a type of Alzheimer's. She is getting worse all the time. Now she is at the point where you cannot believe anything she says because it is not real. She makes things up in her own mind and believes them. It is some of these things that are very funny. Laughter is good medicine for us all especially when watching your mom go downhill before your very eyes.

Two weeks ago, we were at our regular Thursday morning breakfast when a song by Elvis came on the radio. She looked at me and said, "I lived so close to him in Tennessee and never even knew it." I shook my head yes knowing that lots of people lived close to him and were in the same boat. That statement would have been fine but it was followed up by this story.

"Did I ever tell you about how Elvis traveled around before he was famous? I took you to see him. You were about 3 or 4. I took you up to him and told him that he had to hear you sing. So you sang for him and he said, 'This girl is so good, I would like to take her on the road.' He laughed and of course, I wouldn't let you go. But you know how they give each other those things?"

"You mean awards?" I asked.

"Yes. Well Elvis received on and he said, 'I am so glad to get this award but I don't know why you just didn't give it to the little girl.' I never told that story to anybody because they would have thought I was crazy."

By this time I was laughing so hard I could hardly speak. I took out a piece of paper from my purse and wrote down a few key words so that I would not forget this story. As I think about it now, I am still smiling. She doesn't remember telling it to me. In fact, she doesn't even remember that we went to breakfast. But that's OK because during that morning I learned something that I have wondered about for a long time. Where did Elvis learn his moves? Now I know. It was from a little girl from Boogersville, Tennessee who should have won the award. :)

Breakfast with Mom

Every Thursday morning for the past 30 years I have had breakfast with Mom one day a week. We have gone to the same restaurant for most of those 30 years. It is like a family. The waitress and the other customers know me by name. They have shared in the slow decline of my mom over the years especially the last ten.

Our times at the table now do not consist of real conversation. Actually my mom cannot follow a conversation anymore. She does like to talk. So she makes up stories and tells them to me. They are usually about me. For instance, she had a dream we were running together on the farm in Tennessee or my dad was defending me against neighbors who were speaking back about me. This last week she said when I was three years old I said, "I just got the call and I am going to be a truck driver." :) That's funny!

Mom loves to tell a joke. She forgets a lot of things but not this one particular joke. She will tell anyone who is in her path. I try to make sure we go straight from our booth to pay but I am not always successful. One morning, Mom pushed me ahead of her so that she could interrupt a man's breakfast to tell him her joke. He did not look very happy about it. I was not close enough to thank him for his patience so I decided to ask the waitress to let him know of mom's condition. I remember the waitress saying to me, "Don't worry about that! Your mom is fine. You do not need to make excuses for her."

What a wonderful thing to hear from this woman who has waited on us for many years now! She was kind and loving concerning my mother. I have to remember that kind and loving part as I sometimes get a little embarrassed and impatient. She is still my mother after all. I need to treat her as such.

The people we meet each day are taking account of us. They can be the cashiers, the driver of the car in front of us, the person we pass walking on the street or a waitress. What kind of attitude do they see from us? Is it reflective of Jesus? It better be if you are a follower of Christ. That is who we are called to reflect.

So do these people I meet every day know who I am, a Follower of Christ? More importantly, does my mother know who I am? (Even if she can't quite process it)

Fun with Mom

My mom is proof positive that God has a sense of humor. Technically, she has frontal lobe disorder but practically for us it is no different than Alzheimer's. Her memory is all but non-existent of the current events that take place each day, no really more like from moment to moment. However, she can cover up her lack of memory with some pretty funny one liners. Today was one of those times.
There was a geranium hanging on the front of their garage and Mom said, "Where did you get that flower?" My dad said that he had already told her where it came from. Mom replied, "Well I know if you would have told me, I would have remembered it." Then my dad said, "you said that it would be yours and you would take care of it." Mom replied, "Believe me, I know I never said that!"
The whole exchange made me laugh all the way home. For just that instant, Mom can articulate a pretty funny reply but then it goes just as quickly as it came. God gives me these times so that I can laugh thereby enjoying my mom once again.
It also reminds me of how I live my life at times in totally denial of what I know God is telling me. In a situation where I say things that hurt the one I am speaking to, I might as well be saying to God, "Well, I know if you would have told me, I would have remembered it." Would I? The correct question is "Do I?" Because He has told me in His word and quite simply..."Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31 How in the world could I forget that?
I do not have the same condition as my mom but I do have a problem, it is MYSELF disorder. Have you ever suffered from it? I fear I suffer from it way too often. The medicine I need is all tied up in repentance and forgiveness. Repentance is work on my part as I turn from this disorder and forgiveness is God's part as He embraces me as His own because of the death, burial and resurrection of His Son, Jesus.
I don't know about you but I would much rather be in order with Jesus than in disorder without Him.